The Relationship Code

We’ve had occasion to listen to and counsel thousands of people around the subject of relationships. I (Ravi) often ask clients to grade important areas of their life on a scale of 1-10. Invariably, those who rate themselves 9 or 10 in the relationship department are in a mutually supportive and honest interplay with their partner. Is that just the luck of the draw? If you’re trying to up your score in the relationship department here are some hopefully helpful hints.  

Many people are relationship challenged for reasons they can’t fathom. Life seems like a prom for which they can’t get a date. If you feel that describes you what’s to be done? Of course, the first step is to redefine your narrative. Cultivate the feeling of being lovable, deservable and open.  

Nevertheless, if all the boxes are checked and it feels as if a cosmic conspiracy is in play then know that Kundalini Yoga has techniques to turn a problematic karmic predisposition into optimal outcomes. Premier techniques to effect this grand hack are So Darshan Chakra Kriya and the Long Ek Ong Kar Meditation. When we vibrate the Universe harmony happens although it’s not automatic. Those techniques only open doors. We still have to be willing to walk through them. Success in a relationship is less about determination and more about surrender.  

Most people live at or with each other. We want to live for each other.

There are 5 reasons people typically enter into romantic relationships: 1. Unfinished business, karmically or emotionally. 2. Security / social expectations. 3. The object of their affection is an amalgam of their inner ideal. 4. To fill a hole in the soul. 5. As catalysts for each other’s destiny. Any of these can be how a relationship starts, but if a couple is willing to step up and keep up, any relationship can be golden.    

Over years of listening a recurring theme entails people holding out for their soul mate. Does such a thing exist? We often have an idealized image we hold of a life partner. It’s often an extension of our family dynamic. The problem is that often what’s familiar to us is not what’s best for us and we continually attract all the wrong people even though the chemistry is so strong. “Chemistry” is an inner emptiness being reflected back to us. The great lesson is that meeting our soul mate is not the answer. We need to mate with our own soul and luxuriate in the sweetness of Self.   

How to meet your soul mate: Get into your car. Type Creative Infinity into your GPS. Adjust the rear view mirror. As you’re doing so look into your own eyes. Say hello to your soul. You will realize there’s no need to drive anywhere. You’re already home.   

What if the “fault lies not in the stars, but in ourselves.” On a risk / reward scale many people are risk averse due to a deep-seated fear of rejection and remain closed off to true intimacy.  Another common “hidden agenda,” is the feeling that we won’t be deserving of love until we’re “perfect,” and of course that’s an impossible ideal. Then there’s the need to control or be controlled. This creates a dynamic of dysfunction. 

In order to manifest desired outcomes we need to stop pretending and defending and be willing to make ourselves vulnerable.   

We don’t need to necessarily have the same sensibility or taste in things as our partner, but it’s important that we share similar values.  For successful relationships we need to cultivate: compassion, cooperation, character, consciousness, and commitment.  

Every relationship has its own dynamic. In some relationships we play the role of the “fuser,” in some the “isolater.” In some relationships we’re the giver, in some the taker. In some, we’re the sun, in others, the moon. There is a rhythm to relationship and if we play our roles adroitly it’s a beautiful dance.   

The key to success in all venues of life is to be in the mode for which the present circumstance calls for. A strong Kundalini Yoga practice, especially Sat Kriya, will keep our chakras responsive. Of course our default setting for right relationship is a happy heart and a soul on fire.   

The life of the Spirit is a 24/7 proposition. If we want to be successful in health, finances, relationship, or Spirit, those things need to become an extension of our career in consciousness. Relationship is a bona fide Spiritual path. Rumi said, “Beyond the endless inquiry around who’s wrong or right there is a field; I’ll meet you there!” Commit to living dharmically. Commit to commitment. That’s what makes a relationship sacred and provides staying power. Let’s learn to put our ego on hold and cultivate compassion. Let’s seek a higher form of Union.  

for each other.  

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