Shadow Play - Freeing Neurotic Needs
Who can blame us for circling our emotional wagons to contend in this overwhelming world? But then we spend our lives closed in. Trying to please an invisible judge. Trying to feel comfortable in our bodies. Trying to keep up with the Joneses. Trying to compensate for a pain we can't quite identify or an itch we can't quite scratch. If you feel that way, DON'T DESPAIR! All we need is a better map and some guidance from our inner pathfinder.
The first step is to accept that we might just have one itty-bitty character flaw. Most of us do. A neurotic tendency. It's the axle that the wheel (vicious circle) of our false self rotates around. If we don't acknowledge this flaw and transform it, it's a downpour on our parade. And if we do? It's a catalyst for victory in Self!
Our chief feature is truly a blind spot because, like sub-atomic particles, it can only be observed through interactions with other particles (people). (A gifted Spiritual Teacher will often push your buttons and go right for your blind spot.)
So, here are some of the most common "hidden agendas." It's said that if we know the name of a demon, we can command it. If you are brave enough and honest enough to identify your "hidden agenda, (through feeling, not thinking), you know where to direct your efforts.
1. The most common neurotic flaw is thinking that we don't matter, and what we do doesn't matter. This is the limbo, the twilight zone, between never having been validated for who we really are and not yet having truly validated ourselves. Usually, this self-validation takes place in adolescence, but most people are funneled into a societal mold that leaves little room for uniqueness and true self-expression. So, rather than feeling like a schlub, feel like the hub of your own life. You do have a say in how reality presents itself! What to work on? First stop: Navel Power! Navel Power gives us confidence and personal power. Chakra means wheel, but without navel power, we are just spinning our wheels.\
2. Another common self-unfulfilling stratagem is the need to be perfect before we can begin to live. This takes the form of setting impossible standards for ourselves. It often means also setting impossible standards for everyone else. This is all about control. It's also exempting ourselves from having to be human (vulnerable). We need to be humble enough to come down into life. Trying to be impeccable is a good thing; it hones our spirit, but if we try to be obsessively perfect, it's a neurotic tendency that has no resolution. The obvious antidote for this is to recognize that life is a sticky wicket, there are no absolutes, and we have to make peace with some bad hair days. Unless we're willing to embrace some "messiness" in our lives, we can never evolve. This evolution takes the form of love for everyone in the sweep of our radar and love for ourselves as well.
3. Holding onto a past that never existed. If we weren't present then, we won't be present now. Not wanting to be present is a sign of trying to rewrite history. Sometimes we hold tenaciously onto a past that exists only as a legend in our own minds. This stems from deep insecurity. A fear of going forward. The antidote? The willingness to surrender certainty and be safely uncertain. It's a matter of cultivating trust. Trust that the Universe will give us what we need to safely go forward.
4. The need to restrict our lives within narrow borders. Sometimes we live so constricted that everything is predictable. An analogy would be that if we eat the same things every day, we get sensitized to them and develop allergies. If everything in our life is predictable, doing the same things the same way every day, we become allergic to life! Sensitized to any deviation from the norm. Not a good thing. We need to be flexible. Life is a bell curve, and we want to move out from the center and spread our wings! How? Try some things that are completely out of the ordinary. How about Sadhana? Get up early and rock your practice. Or, take a swim in a cold lake and jump-start your liver and your life! A shock to the system in a good way. A positive shock to the system spurs quantum leaps!
5. A state of perpetual rebellion. This rebel without a cause has one binding clause in their contract with the world. They won't accept any responsibility. This state is usually locked in adolescence and becomes their life script. The thought of responsibility and commitment is the scariest thing. Anyone or anything that tries to "box you in" sends you running! The cure? Work hard and commit to commitment itself. Man or woman up. If you were a butterfly flitting from one passion flower to the next, become an iron butterfly. Be solid. Turn scared into sacred. Transition from no boundaries to no limits!
6. Planning our whole day around getting attention, approval, food, drugs, money, sex, or emotional drama. This is the primary neurotic tendency of our time. People do this to have a reason for being and to feel something. Their core has flamed out, and they feel empty inside. They are numb. This empty feeling results from living in reactive mode and staying on the surface. How to rekindle the fire from within? Do Kundalini Yoga to get your inner organs circulated to and realize that we are here not for diversion, but immersion. You can use that addiction to the thing you need so desperately and turn it into its positive pole. If you are approval-seeking, seek approval from the Universe. If you need a drug, rock your mantras, and find the source of your inner nectar. If you need an emotional fix, help people fix their emotions. It's high drama all the way! If you need food, feed your soul. Go from being empty to being open. Through this alchemy, we are gathering discreet packets of Awareness until we become the instrument of Awareness itself. This is a very high teaching, the essence of all Spiritual paths and processes.
7. The need for prestige. Ahhh, the age-old foible. Who cares about being good? It's all about looking good! These people fool everyone for a time, but in the Aquarian Age, this type of subterfuge is no longer viable because everything will be exposed (Hello Real Housewife Teresa Giudice!). This type of person flies first class even if they can't afford it because they can't bear the thought of being seen "skulking" to coach! The cure for this one is to find richness in service and self. The true prestige is in the eyes of the Universe.
8. The need for power. Who wants to be a petty tyrant when we can be true Kings and Queens? The need for power stems from a feeling of powerlessness. How to empower yourself? An Aquarian Age maxim is: JUST START. The Universe is becoming increasingly malleable. The coast is clear for amazing accomplishments. Every day in every way, Keep Up!
9. Not listening to our own inner voice. Oh, this is a tragedy. Some of the biggest talents we know don't trust their own brilliance! They assume everyone knows better than they do. They ask for advice about everything but never listen to the voice inside, even though they suspect it has some pretty good input on how to succeed and dazzle. These people tend to select role models whom they try to emulate instead of developing their own fierce inner uniqueness. It's good to have a role model for a while, but every fledgling needs to find its own wings because other people need their wings, and we will never soar high on another's. The cure? You gotta go deeper. Find your soul because that's what makes you unique and gives you expression. All of Kundalini Yoga, from your first Sat Nam, is designed to help you activate your soul. Of course, this isn't a one-time thing. You have to grow that relationship until you and your essence are one. Doing Kundalini Yoga and Meditation is really important, but there is more than that. You have to carry it over into your life by honoring that quiet inner voice that you know is authentic.
10. Procrastination. We hear from so many people who feel frozen in place due to a tendency to dither, waffle, and vacillate. This is the law firm of not doing! There are two aspects to procrastination. Indecision and laziness. Indecision is a product of our mind's circular logic. What's called for is an overview, the will to simply decide, and the sense of urgency that prompts us to go for it: NOW! There is no tomorrow, there is only today. Tomorrow is a product of your today, not an excuse. Often in life, the information available to us isn't a guarantee of a sure thing. That describes most of life. The thing to do is to decide, and whatever you decide, make that work. Believe in yourself. Know that where there is risk, there is also reward. Procrastination due to plain old laziness? This calls for a new relationship with energy. Embrace the breath. Do your Kundalini Yoga practice every day. Live in a way that conserves energy.